War of the Beds
by SunflowerWielder
Summary: There are health and safety issues when it comes to making Noctis and Felix share a room. Mainly that it can cause outright war. The prize? The bed. Oh yeah, and one of them is asleep. Oneshot. Crack. Enter at your own risk


**Yay! My first bit of Fabula Nova Crystallis humor!**

**It's random, it's weird... it's good to be back in that world! How I have missed thee...**

**SOMEONE!! DISCLAIMER!!**

**Noctis: SunflowerWielder does not owe me, Final Fantasy Versus XIII or anything to do with the Fabula Nova Crystallis series. They belong to Square Enix. Thank God.**

**Me: And what do you mean by that?!**

**Noctis: I mean you are insane.**

**Me: Eh, fair enough.**

* * *

Noctis rubbed his temples and growled slightly.

This receptionist was driving him insane.

"Um... just a moment... Oh, look at this key! Now then..." The receptionist stumbled over her words. "I'm so sorry, it's my first day on the job." She smiled up at the Prince. Noctis raised an eyebrow. "Uh..." The woman pressed a few buttons on the keyboard. "Oh bugger, I seem to have closed it down."

Noctis turned away from the desk and walked over to his friends.

"I have now discovered the meaning of justifiable homicide."

"You're grumpy when you don't get any sleep." Placido observed calmly.

"No, I'm grumpy when you I have to deal with ditzy receptionists."

"Let me handle her!" Felix said, walking over the receptionist with a flirty smile in place.

"Off goes the child of God." Muttered Lexus, leaning against the wall.

"Wonder if he'll get a slap?" Placido mused, watching Felix lean on the desk and talk to the receptionist.

"Nah." Noctis shook his head. "She'll lap it up."

SLAP!!

"Or not." He added, as Felix walked over to them.

"Guess what?" Felix rubbed his cheek. "She's engaged!"

"Smooth move." Lexus laughed. "How did you know anyway?"

"'Cause the ring dug into my face when she slapped me."

"Ah." Placido nodded. "Okay, we're never using you on receptionists again. It doesn't work."

"Excuse me." The woman piped up. "Uh... Mr... uh..."

"I'll go." Muttered Lexus, pushing himself off the wall. He went over to the receptionist's desk.

"I wonder if she'll slap him." Felix muttered.

"She won't for one good reason." Placido answered.

"Which is?"

"He's not stupid enough to flirt with her."

"HEY!!" Felix crossed his arms and pouted.

"You look like a two year old."

"Shut it Noct!"

"A _pissed off_ two year old."

"We have an issue." Lexus announced, rejoining the group.

"We have many issues." Placido explained. "They all begin with 'Felix'."

"SHUT UP!!"

"As in there are only two rooms left," Lexus explained before the blonde could get any angrier. "And they're both double beds."

A short silence fell.

"Fine." Noctis said after a few seconds. "It's that or sleep in the car."

"Never again are we doing that." Placido shuddered.

"I didn't mean to start it!" Felix protested. "I stretched my legs-"

"And hit the clutch."

"Why did you leave the keys in the ignition anyway!?"

"Okay you two," Lexus spoke over Placido and Felix. "Let's just get through tonight. Who's sharing with who?"

* * *

Due to a coin toss (Which Noctis swore was fixed, even though no-one could work out HOW you fix a coin toss), Lexus and Placido were bunking together, as were Felix and Noctis.

The Prince was annoyed.

"Felix. Felix. Felix! FELIX!" He yelled at the man, who was singing loudly. Felix stopped and turned around.

"Yes-um?"

"Shut up. I'm _trying_ to get to sleep!"

"Aw, you're grumpy if you don't get your beauty sleep!" Felix laughed. Noctis scowled and turned on his side.

"Shut. Up."

"Ah, I know how to make you go to sleep!" Felix grinned. Noctis buried his head in the pillow. "Ahem. _**ROCK A BYE BABY, IN THE TREE TOPS!!! WHEN THE WIND BLOWS, THE CRADLE SHALL-"**_

"_**FELIX!!"**_ Noctis bolted upright and glared at the man sitting on the other side of the bed. _**"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!"**_

"Singing."

"It sounded like your vocal cords were being ripped out! And that is the most depressing lullaby ever."

"Huh?" Felix frowned. "Why?"

"The baby dies at the end genius." Noctis lay down again. "Down shall come baby, cradle and all."

"Depends how high up in the tree it is."

"Night Felix."

"Unless of course-" Noctis stuck out his arm and pinched Felix in the ribs. "_OW!!_ Okay, okay, goodnight!"

* * *

Noctis woke up and frowned. It was absolutely freezing in the room.

Wait. Where the hell was the blanket?

Turning his head to the left, Noctis stared in shock.

Felix was fast asleep, snoring slightly, sprawled all over the bed with one leg leaning over the edge of the bed, the other pushing into the Prince's thigh. Felix's right arm was covering his eyes, the other one clutching the blanket around him, like a cocoon.

Noctis blinked.

That... was something different to wake up to.

Noctis was attempting to register the reasons why Felix was sprawled everywhere, and how he even managed to get into that position. However, as it was 3A.M. the only thought that went through his head was _'Felix is a bed hogger'_.

And that he wanted the blanket back.

Noctis leant over and grabbed hold of an edge of the blanket. Quickly, he tugged on it, pulling part of it away from Felix.

Felix frowned in his sleep and grabbed Noctis' pillow.

Noctis attempted to pull his pillow back, but Felix rolled over, invading his side of the bed.

"Oh, for the love of..." He shook his head and frowned as Felix clutched Noctis' pillow tighter, rolling over some more.

Great, there went the part of the blanket he'd gotten back.

With a sigh, Noctis leant over the sleeping Felix. Fine. He could have his pillow, he'd just steal the blonde's, easy.

As he grabbed the pillow, Felix rolled back onto his back, trapping Noctis' hand.

Noctis mouthed a few swear words he'd picked up from Lexus. Felix weighed a _ton_.

The Prince wiggled his hand underneath the blonde, attempting to squirm it out from underneath him.

It didn't work.

"Oh, move you bastard!" Noctis whispered, shoving Felix with his free hand. Felix rolled over again, freeing Noctis' hand. The Prince grinned in triumph...

Right before Felix rolled on top of him.

"Oh you are kidding me!" Noctis hissed, as Felix dribbled a bit in his sleep. It landed on his shoulder.

Noctis wasn't one of these men who are allergic to all physical contact. But this was just... _weird_.

With a grunt, Noctis shoved Felix in the shoulder as hard as possible, sending the other man rolling off him and back onto the bed.

Where the sleeping man gathered the blankets and pillows again.

"Alright bed-hog," Muttered Noctis, lying down. "You win."

He closed his eyes, and missed the look of triumph on Felix's sleeping face.

* * *

The next thing Noctis knew, he had landed on the wooden floor.

"Ow!" The Prince swore and rubbed his head, looking up at the bed. In the sunlight pouring in through the cheap curtains, Noctis could see that Felix had now moved into his side of the bed, knocking him out of it.

"Grrr..." Noctis stood up and slapped Felix around the back of the head.

"OW!" The blonde woke up and rubbed his head. "Hey Noct... What the hell was that for?"

"You!" Noctis poked the man in his chest. "Are a bed hog!"

"Wha...?" Felix frowned. "I am not! Take that back!"

"No!"

"Take it back!"

"Take this!" And with the lightning quick reflexes that won him many battles, Noctis grabbed a pillow and clobbered Felix in the face with it.

"OH, THIS IS WAR!!" Felix yelled, grabbing the other pillow and hitting Noctis with it. Noctis countered with the pillow again, dodging Felix's next attack.

Suddenly Felix brought the pillow down on top of Noctis' head with a loud THUMP, making the pillow explode, scattering feathers everywhere.

"Wow. Looks like a chocobo made a nest!" Felix laughed. Noctis threw his pillow away and rugby tackled Felix instead. "YARGH!!"

Noctis grabbed the pillow again and hit Felix with it until it exploded as well, scattering feathers everywhere.

"You bed-hogger!" Noctis yelled, managing to knot himself and Felix together with the blankets.

"Gerroff me Noct!"

"Not until you surrender!"

"No way!"

"Ahem." The two men looked up to see Placido and Lexus standing in the doorway. Felix and Noctis went bright red in unison.

"You two better not be doing what it looks like you're doing." Lexus commented calmly.

"No, no, you see-"

"What happened was-"

Noctis and Felix began to explain loudly at the same time.

"Whatever." Placido rolled his eyes. "Lexus you owe me twenty gil."

"That's not fair!"

"That's what the bet YOU made was. Pay up."

"Wait..." Noctis suddenly sat up. "Were you betting on us.....?" He gestured to Felix and himself. The two men vanished faster than Noctis thought possible.

"Bastards." Felix muttered, sitting upright.

_"EEEEKKKK!!!"_ Noctis and Felix turned around to see a maid standing the in the doorway, staring in shock at the two men, and the mess they had caused.

"...... _**RUN!!!**_" Felix yelled, racing past the screaming maid as did Noctis seconds later.

No way were they paying for that bill.

* * *

**Yay! I actually quite like that! The ending was a bit slow, but oh well.**

**So people. Noctis wants you to press the review button.**

**Noctis: No I don't -**

**Me: Shut up. You do. So press it! Or else he will be upset!**

**Noctis: I really DON'T care -**

**Me: SHUT UP!!**


End file.
